The Question of Goodness

A Letter from the Wilderness

Liturgical Season: Great Lent

Scripture for Reflection: “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed, it was very good.” – Genesis 1:31

I. The Battle Within: Am I Good or Bad?

Dear Fellow Pilgrim,

I have spent my life wondering what it means to be good or bad. For so long, I could not imagine myself as anything but bad. The echoes of my past, the weight of my sins, the struggles of mental illness—they all conspired to convince me that something about me was fundamentally wrong. That my very being was flawed in a way that others were not.

But today, I am beginning to see that goodness and badness are not equals, battling for dominance.  Goodness is real, because goodness is God.  Evil? It is only a distortion. A twisting of what is good.

In Orthodoxy, human nature is fundamentally good, because we are made in God’s image(Genesis 1:27). Even after the Fall, that image was not destroyed, only distorted. The deepest, truest part of me is not bad—I am not bad—but I am wounded. I am sin-sick. That is the difference.

II. The Truth About Goodness

I have come to understand the following:

Saying “I am bad” is incorrect, because my very being is not evil. But saying “I am good” is also incomplete. A more humble, more truthful way of looking at it would be:

> “I am created good, but I often fail to live in that goodness.”

> “I have dignity as an image-bearer of God, but I need healing from sin.”

Goodness is not a static state—it is something that grows through participation in God’s life. If I stay apart from Him, I remain trapped in the distortions of sin. If I unite myself to Him, I am transformed into what I was always meant to be.

III. A Wound Called Inferiority

I began pondering all of this because of my husband. Lately, I have seen how much he has changed—how much he has grown into more goodness. His speech, his thoughts, his very way of moving through the world—it has become more Christlike. And when I see that, I do not rejoice. I shrink. I see how much I have yet to change. How so many of my old patterns and emotions still grip me, still control me. It feels like I am stuck in time, the same teenager I was years ago, while my husband has moved forward into holiness. And so I feel alone. Inferior. Left behind. There is a strange comfort in being weak together. But to feel like the only one struggling? That is a different kind of sorrow.

IV. The Answer to My Loneliness

But then, I return to the words of Scripture: “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed, it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31). When God declared His creation good, it was not because we had done anything to earn it. It was before we had lifted a hand, before we had spoken a word. If God’s goodness is who He is, then our goodness is who we are made to reflect. It is not earned—it is gifted.

My husband is not good in opposition to me. He is not moving toward God while I stay behind in my wretchedness. We are both good. We are both becoming more good as we walk this road together. And so, my loneliness fades.

V. Steadying the Flame: Mindfulness & Worth

This week, I am practicing mindfulness but with gentler hands. Not merely observing my thoughts but learning to observe myself—as one watches the sea, unafraid of the rising tide. Not merely letting emotions come and go, but reminding myself: I am already loved. I am already made in His image. I am already held in His mercy.

Instead of fixating on how far I have to go, perhaps I should turn my gaze toward how far I have come. God is not waiting for me at the finish line.  He is here, in the middle of my mess, walking beside me.

VI. Small Mercies: Today’s Glimpse of Grace

Today, my small mercy was understanding. For the first time, I saw myself as good. Not because I had performed well, not because I had finally measured up, but because I am His. And because I am His, I am not alone.

VII.  Final Thoughts

I thought I was inferior. But now I see—I am simply becoming.
I thought goodness was something earned. But now I know—it is something lived into.
I thought I was alone. But now I remember—I never was. He has always been there.

Closing Prayer

O Christ, my Light and my Maker, let me see myself as You see me. Let me not define myself by my wounds, nor by my failures, but by the goodness You placed within me. Let me walk this path of repentance without despair, knowing that You are here, that I am never alone. Have mercy on me, and on all who struggle to believe in the dignity You have given them. Amen.

+ Have you ever struggled to believe in your own goodness? How do you balance repentance with knowing that you are made in God’s image? +